It’s nearly 2007, a very “Buck Rogers” Sounding year to be sure.
I mean, think of all the shows that came out in the 60’s and 70’s. Space 1999, etc. Every show had the year 2000 (or round about there) as the magic year for amazing technology.
I’ll never forget watching an episode of Star Trek, only to hear Kirk exclaim:
“That’s one of the first generation, interstellar colony ships! They haven’t been in service since 1999!”
In short, back in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, we thought we’d be living in a technological wonderland.
Well, a lot of this is the fact that as soon as a new technology arrives, it becomes common place and taken for granted. (For example, with a laptop and a wireless card, you can run a video conference from pretty much anywhere in the world…if someone had told you that you could have a video chat to someone anywhere else in the world from your car back in the 80’s, you’d have laughed at them).
On the other hand, I can’ help but feel a little cheated. There’s plenty of stuff we should have now, but don’t…and because of this, I give you:
Inventions we Should have By Now, But Don’t
1) Flying Cars
I mean, seriously, flying cars have been in Sci-Fi shows for decades, those lazy bastard scientists know we want them, but they’re too busy wasting time on frivolous things like curing diseases instead of making my 1989 Ford Aspire fly.
Guys, you have until 2010, if I don’t have at least a star-wars style speeder bike by then (Preferably with blasters), I’m gonna come to your house and ruin your shit.
2) Artifically intelligent talking computers
Why, oh why am I wasting my valuable time typing? Why aren’t I dictating this blog to a computer with a sexy female voice, that warbles, boops and beeps instead of making the grinding Hard-drive sound and the microwave-oven like sound of three cooling fans running at full speed.
3) Voice operated everything.
I want to walk into the room and say “Lights” to turn the lights on, tell the TV what channel I want to watch, and have my door welcome me home, give me a list of visitors that have called in my absence before my recliner detects my unique ass-print and molds to me perfectly.
4) Email Pie
We have delivery, Direct to Drive computer software. Why the hell can’t I have pie emailed to me? Why can’t I go to emailpie.com, click a button, and have a door on the front of my computer that opens, to reveal a slice of delicious, delicious pie?
5) Stupid Filters
Know when someone walks up to you, and starts talking and just won’t go away? Know when no matter how non-commital you get, answer in monosyllables and grunts, but they just keep talking about their cat’s eating habits, or how politicians are really saucer people?
Well, I want a implant with patented ‘Stupidity and Bullshit Detection” software, that upon detection of bullshit, literally tunes it out and plays you music or an ebook of your choice (With a low ‘ping’ sound to prompt you to nod or say “uh-huh” when you need to respond).
6) Cordless Shower Heads
Ok, it completely disobeys the laws of physics, but it’s almost 2007 people! We break laws all the time! What’s so special about the laws of physics? (The arrogant, self-righteous bastards).
A shower head with no cord. That’d be AWESOME.
7) Glasses with a fighter-plane style Hud and night vision
Pretty self explanatory. Why? Because it would be PIMP! That’s why!
Ok people, that’s what I wanna see in 2007
How bout you?
