Thursday, January 07, 2010


A few nights ago, Sunny and I were sitting in front of the TV when that terrible ad for the 'Snuggie' came on. If you don't know what a Snuggie is, it's "The blanket with sleeves!"

Well, more accurately, it's a robe you wear backwards. The idea is that it's a blanket you can get under, but the sleeves leave your hands free to read a book or use the TV remote.

The ad actually shows people wearing them to football games or out shopping. I only suggest you do that if you want to look like an escaped mental patient or a cult member.

As usual, Sunny and I laughed at how stupid they are. Then, in a case of delicious, delicious irony I realized that I wanted to change the channel, but I was toasty warm under my blanket (it was well below freezing outside) and didn't want my arms to get cold. I told Sunny this. She pointed and laughed at me.

Later on that night, I was struggling to work the 360 controller under the blanket when I said to Sunny:

"I'm freezing. We need to get a couple of Snuggies."

I expected a laugh and a 'Yeah, right." Instead I got a rather bright and cheerful "Ok!"

What followed as a three day game of 'retail chicken'. We talked about going to buy Snuggies on payday. We planned where we'd go to get them and at what time. Every conversation was strained as both of us expected the other at any moment to crack, burst out laughing, point out how stupid Snuggies where and how we weren't really going to lower ourselves by buying them.

Sunny even suggested we go buy one last night when her check went into the bank. I was in some old PJ's and a bathrobe at the time and said I didn't want to get dressed. Sunny looked at me and said "It's Wal-mart…who'd notice?"

I actually considered it for a whole minute, but realized that shopping at Walmart at 3am in my bathrobe was a white-trash trifecta I never want to actually 'achieve'.

So after dealing with the DMV for a few hours this morning (that's a whole other blog post in itself), we found ourselves at the gates of Walmart, barely able to make eye contact with each other, both trying to will the other into cracking first.

I nearly cracked when we found them on the shelves and I thought they only had pink ones left. I thought: Ok, I'm definitely not getting one if they only have pink.

Yeah, came a very sarcastic little voice in my head, because if I'm wearing a pink fleece blanket with sleeves instead of a blue one, I might look stupid.

Then, I got a little extra strength by noticing on the box that they come with a free book-light. I've wanted a book light for ages and for fifteen bucks, I could convince myself that I wasn't buying a Snuggie with a free book light…I was buying a book light that came with a free Snuggie.

We put them in the buggy…both waiting for the other to crack, but neither of us did.

It was only when we reached the checkout and I swiped the card that I actually believed that we were actually buying Snuggies…a momentous lifestyle step equivalent to buying a Slap-Chop unironically… when I suddenly realized that I'd much rather be caught buying Chinese-dwarf-amputee-beastiality porn by everyone I know than being caught buying a Snuggie by a casual aquaintance. Then, to make matters worse, the check out girl started making conversation with us.

It was like being 15 and buying condoms for the first time all over again. She mentioned that they made Snuggies for dogs now. I think my side of the conversation went something like this.


Even when we got them home, Sunny took hers out of the box to try it on (I don't know how you 'try on' something that is literally a rectangular piece of fleece with two over-sized sleeves on the front…forget 'one size fits all', it's 'one size fits most species both known and unknown'. Both Jabba the Hutt and Salacious Crumb could wear this thing comfortably.)

Anyway, she got it unwrapped, held it up…then looked at me.

"Where's your camera?" She asked.

"Why?" I asked…thinking she might want to document this momentous occasion.

"Because I don't want you taking a picture of me and putting it online." She replied.

Now there's a tag-line for the infomercial: "The Snuggie! The blanket with sleeves you'll only ever wear when you're 100% certain you're alone in case someone gets photographic evidence that you own one."

But you know what? I finally worked up the courage to try mine on….and God DAMN that thing was warm and convenient.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go lay on my couch, watch TV in my Snuggie and do the 'raise the roof' hand motions for no good reason.




Sunny said...


Okay, sweetie- when I said I didn't want it going on the internet- I actually meant I didnt want ANY evidence of it going on the net!!!

You've RUINED me and my blossoming career!!!!!!!


Evan 08 said...

[Evan rolls his eyes] I can't believe you actually bought one of those things. What about putting on an extra sweater, for God's sake!?!

Anonymous said...

Let us know if after a few washings it pills up and loses its fleecy warmness into a pile of fluff in the dryers catch basin.

Woman atop her Soapbox said...

This is when you chant, "I'm warm and you're not... I'm warm and you're not."

The snuggie is something I saw and said, "Now why didn't I think of that!"