Friday, October 07, 2011

Mirror, mirror

Last night, for the first time in a long time, I found myself just randomly surfing the net through the wonders of Stumbleupon. I landed on one website that specialized in nothing but random funny pictures. You know the stuff, Lolcats, rage comics and other assorted meme pictures.

However, a few pages in, I noticed that along with the funny pictures, there were a lot like this folded in as well:

If you've spent any time on the internet at all (especially Facebook), you'll be used to pictures like these. Sluts taking pictures of themselves in mirrors.

These pictures iritate the hell out of me. Oh, I can't deny these girls at least superficially hot (and I choose my words carefully there), but these girls think that guys look at these pictures and think "Hey, she looks gorgeous, hot and fun! I wish she were my girlfriend."... and an awful lot of teenage virgins probably do think that...but let me tell you what pics like these really tell me about you.

1) You're too fucking stupid to work the self-timer on your camera.

Self-timers are not a new or rare thing. My cellphone has one, both my digital cameras have one. Even my camcorder and my 20 year old film camera has one. You set the timer, put the camera on something and then you can take a picture of yourself without a mirror!

Speaking of stupidity, look at the girl on the far left. Everything about that picture is set up to show extreme nonchalance. Like she was just having an average day of being perfectly made up, showing just the right amount of cleavage and dancing around, being fun and breezy when someone snapped a picture.

We can see the camera in your hand, bitch! 

2) You have no friends.

Oh, I'm sure you have thousands of Facebook friends, but in terms of actual, real people who like you?

Let's assume for a second that I accidentally gave myself a lobotomy and I can't work out the two button presses it takes to set my camera's self timer. You know what I'd do? I'd ask a friend to take a picture of me. Why don't you have any friends? Because...

3) You're a vapid, extremely shallow attention whore.

Look at the girl on the right. Low production values aside, she's put some real time into this picture. (If you've never lived with a woman before, let me just point out that the vast majority of women don't style their hair and put on full makeup just to sit around the house.)

You see, if a girl's getting ready for a night out and has just snapped a quick pic of herself before leaving, that's fine... but Blondie isn't dressed to go out. She spent all that time on her hair and makeup just for this picture. Then, she's picked an outfit, spent an awful lot of time deciding on the perfect coquettish pose, not to mention arranging her pants so just the right amount of butt-crack is showing.

Now think about that. She's spent all that time to take a picture of herself to put on the internet. Even though I never saw where this pic was originally posted, I gurantee that the caption she put on it was something like "OMG, I look so fat in this pic!"

Long story short, you think your picture makes you look hot, sexy and reality your picture makes you look like a dumb whore who's in love with herself.

Finally, this:

Someone please explain to me just how retarded you have to be to have another person there with a camera...and have them take the picture in the mirror anyway!


Anonymous said...

hey.. my phone doesn't have a self timer!

but I have friends so ...

either way..

leave the sluts alone.. how do us decent gals get a guy unless they first get rejected by these gals and finally notice us??!

zck101 said...

Dude your a buzz kill, why do you think about this so much? Dont you have bigger fish to fry?

Nitra said...

@ eriegal65: well, i'm not sure where you're from, but there are guys that don't like sluts. the problem with these guys is that even u "decent gals" reject them. (well, at least most of the time)