Yesterday, Sunny told me that, today, she'd like to go see her daughter's new house.
Let me be clear here, that's exactly what she said. We were watching TV and she said, almost to herself: "I wanna go see Julie's new house tomorrow."
So, this morning I got up, took my diabetes meds and went for my walk. It was a beautiful sunny day, the first we'd had in ages, so I decided to take the opportunity to get outside and shoot my air-rifle for a while. When I got back from my walk Sunny was on the phone. Not wanting to disturb her, I just walked to the bedroom, grabbed my air-rifle and headed to the front door.
"Hey, you're not going out shooting now are you?" She asked.
No, I thought. I just thought I'd carry my rifle around for no reason….What I actually said was:
"But I told you I wanted to go to Julie's new house today." Sunny said.
"Yeah?" I made the internationally agreed upon sign for 'and…?'
"Well, I want to go soon before it gets dark." She said, looking slightly angry.
"And?" I said "You want to go see Julie's house… and I want to shoot…I really don't understand the problem."
"Fine!" She said, in an obvious huff. The way she said goodbye when she left can only be described as 'icy'.
Of course, at that point I knew she wanted me to go with her…but I also knew I really didn't want to go. Firstly, when Sunny and her daughter get together, it's actually impossible to get a word in edgewise (Basically, imagine trying to thread a sewing machine while it's running and you're in the ball park.) …plus they tend to talk about people I don't know, so I couldn't really join the conversation even if I could get a word in. Basically, I go with Sunny to visit pretty much any member of her family and five minutes later everyone has forgotten I'm there.
Secondly, it really was the first bright, clear, windless day we've had in months, and I was really looking forward to properly zeroing in my new air-rifle and experimenting to see which pellets it likes.
Thirdly, I'd just like to point out that I'm more than happy to do anything for my wife…I just have this weird thing where I kinda expect people to actually ask me for what they want, rather than just drop vague hints that Sherlock fucking Holmes would miss on his best day while using his biggest, shiniest magnifying glass.
Anyway, this evening we were talking and Sunny mentioned how she (surprise, surprise) had wanted me to go with her to see her daughter's house. I explained why I didn't want to go.
"Yeah," said Sunny, as though she was explaining the obvious to a retard "but I wanted to go for a ride or something after."
At this point, the part of my brain labeled 'understanding how women's minds work', said 'fuck it' and got up and left.
You see, what actually happened is Sunny told me, in passing, that she was thinking about going to see her daughter's new house.
However, by the twisted laws of the female universe, this meant that I'd agreed ahead of time to go with her… because mentioning in passing that you might want to go somewhere obviously means "I want to do this, I want you to come with me and then I want to go do something afterwards…and by acknowledging that I exist you have promised that you will do all this without argument."
I'm going to give you all a huge tip, ladies. I promise it'll make things between you and your man a hundred times smoother:
When you want something or want us to do something…ask us to do it. Don't make some super vague, cryptic hint and expect us to read your fucking minds.
These 'obvious' hints you drop are only obvious to you…and if you don't ask us to do something because you feel you 'shouldn't have to', it's your own goddamn fault when we don't do it.