Conspiracy Theories

When it comes to multi-tasking, I'm absolutely useless...unless it's 'entertainment' multi-tasking.

Basically, I can barely chew gum and walk at the same time, but I can be playing a game on the computer, while watching (well...listening to) a movie... while also reading a book during the load screens on the PC.

It's for this reason that I'll end up watching stuff on TV that I normally wouldn't. When I started playing 'Call of Duty 2' on the PC, I was also watching Seinfeld. By the time I'm halfway through my game, I'm watching some stupid infomercial.

Well today, I found myself listening to that absolutely awful infomercial "Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Know About."

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for natural cures and complimentary medicine...but this guy is a psycho.

Put it this way, he says Linseed Oil can cure breast cancer. He says there is a plant extract that can kill every known virus, including HIV and AIDs. Basically, there's not a single disease on the planet that there's not a very simple, easy and viable cure for.

Chemo? Forget about it. Chew these natural herbs and it'll make that cancer all better.

So why don't we know about all of this?

Well, apparently the reason we don't know about this is because the Government and the FDA are covering it all up. Apparently, drug companies are out there to make money, so if everyone could be disease free, they wouldn't need drugs, so the drug companies would go out of business.

In fact, this monster tard says that there are additives in our food and the drugs we take to make us fat and ill...because the more obese and sick we are...the more drugs and phony diet foods they'd sell.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not painting the drug companies as completely innocent, altruistic philanthropists (Deep breath...lots of big words, I need a sit down)...but they're not some kind of frickin' evil empire.

Here's the thing with conspiracy theories.

You're crediting these people with far too much power and intelligence.

For example, with Nixon we had Watergate, with Clinton we had the whole Monica Lewinsky cigar thing.

Politicians and government officials are involved in scandals all the time. They do stupid stuff and can't keep it to themselves.

So what we're actually saying here is a guy who can't keep his getting a blowjob from an intern secret is somehow capable of massive cover ups.

Let that sink in a minute. They can keep a cure for cancer and alien spacecraft from the public, but can't hide an affair from his missus. Yeeeaaaah. Right. That's plausible

Here's what this guy is saying happens:

Some guy discovers a natural cure for a particularly horrific disease. The then FDA and the drug companies come along and say: "You can't market that, because we control all the drugs in the USA...if you tell anyone about this discovery, you're going to jail for a very long time."

Wanna know why this is complete and total bollocks?

If you had found a cure for cancer, and the FDA tried to silence you...what would you do?

I'll tell you...

You'd say "Screw you, take me to court."

I mean, what's the worst that could happen. You sit in a courtroom, say "I've discovered a cure for frickin' CANCER, and those dudes in the suit don't want me to tell anyone about it because if I cure cancer, they can't sell their cancer treatments."

Even if the court ruled in the drug companies' favor...do you think the world would allow the cure for cancer to not be distributed... and allow the guy who discovered it to rot in jail? Wars have been fought with less provocation.

Even if you take this to extremes, and believe that what would happen is shadowy figures would pay you a midnight visit and you'd never be seen again...there are a million ways to release information like that anonymously.

The whole thing is illogical. This guy in on TV telling you that anyone who has ever tried to inform the public of these natural cures has been threatened or imprisoned by the government and the FDA...yet he's on TV, selling a book with all these 'cures' in it.

How come you're not being arrested or made to disappear right now, psycho?

The reason there's no cure for cancer right now is simply because one hasn't been discovered yet. The thing this guy is completely missing is most drugs are derived from 'natural' ingredients.

I know that this is hardly a surprise by now, but this guy is completely missing the point and his argument is so flawed, it pretty much is one big flaw.

He's saying is a cure for cancer or something would drive the drug companies out of business.

How?

Who do you think will buy the patent and manufacture and distribute this cure? The drug companies, that's who.

After all, what would you pay for a pill that cured cancer?

Also curing a person of cancer doesn't make the disease go away. People will continually get sick with this disease and need the cure. Only instead of being the death sentence it is today, people will say "Damn, I've come down with a touch of cancer...better go see the doctor and get a prescription."

Retard.

Anyway, I have to go feed the aliens that live in my basement...just don't tell anyone about them...ok?