An Excercise in Futility

I received a rather amusing comment on one of my previous posts today.

The ‘comment’ was for my post entitled “Halloween Costumes and Special FX”, a post where I talked about Star Wars fan films. Here’s the comment in its entirety:

“You piss on these movies but where is your movie? Oh right, I forgot, you are retarded dork that posts in blogs and sits on the internet. Maybe if I post about it on the internet, someone will care about my opinion!!!!! Less people care here than in your real life. Truth is, if you made a fan film using nothing but your own money and free time, it would suck ass. Want to know why? Because you are a fucking idiot. If I was your father I would raise you like a little donkey who likes to be anally excavated twice a day with the claw of a hammer. Your mom smells like brocolli.”

Oh, I don’t even know where to begin.

You see, I didn’t ‘piss on’ anything. Yeah, I said some fan films where terrible, but I also gave a list of fan films I though where actually very good.

Something tells me I struck a nerve. That comment has ‘frustrated fan-film maker’ written all over it. Also, since my post didn’t actually name any bad fan films, it’s the equivalent of Spielberg going off on a tirade because someone mentioned that not all films are great.

Can you imagine this in the regular media?

Guy : "I don't like American Idol"

Then David Letterman jumps out from behind a bush and screams: "Oh yeah! Well, where's YOUR show, huh? Huh? You think you know? Your Aunt blows goats and both your parents are Hunchbacked Daschunds!"

Doesn’t make much sense, does it.

However, this is something I just don’t think I’ll ever understand.

Who are these people who think it’s a really good idea to try and be offensive over the internet? I mean, what does it actually prove?

“Hey, I’m going to try to really insult someone who I don’t know, who I’ll never meet in real life, ever! And even if I do, we won’t actually know each other! HAH! I posted an insulting comment to a guy I don’t know because he stated that something I like to do wasn’t absolutely flawless! That’ll teach him!”

Well, let me just close my blog down, sell my computer and steer clear of the internet for the rest of my life. You’ve truly shamed me, Mr. Insulter. I’m eating humble pie, and it tastes bitter!

Whatever.

You see, if I made the same comments to someone in real life that I made in that post…the response would be something like:

“I don’t agree, I like fanfilms!”

To which I would say:

“Yeah, I like fanfilms to, but you’ve gotta admit there is a lot of crap out there.”

Chances are there would be no mention of anally raping donkeys with a claw hammer, or suggesting one’s parent has an odor familiar to a green, iron-rich vegetable. I also enjoyed how I’m a ‘dork that sits on the internet’.

Well, that wouldn’t actually happen, because my current theory is that people who do this kinda thing are the people who don’t have the self-confidence to actually disagree with people in real life. They can’t face it, so they work out all that anger and frustration with strangers on the internet…you know, the people who can’t shoot their argument down in flames, or in severe circumstances, punch them hard in the face.

Oh, and this guy even posted his comment using a fake URL as his username. This tells me that:

1. He got a blogger account purely to insult people.


2. He’s not even got the testicular fortitude to read replies to his insults, because he’s too afraid to even face people over the internet.

Quick hint, guy, calling someone an internet dork doesn’t really work when you’re actually using the internet to call someone that. It’s also kinda stupid to make fun of people who have blogs, when according to my stats, you spent nearly an hour here.

If blogs are so dorky, why are you reading them? Or do you just trawl the internet looking for people to work out your frustration on?

Anyway, feel free to hide behind your computer, Mr. Insulter. It doesn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I openly encourage you to post as many comments as you like, because quite frankly, your impotent rumblings are absolute comic gold.

Especially the part where you think that I actually care that some complete stranger says my mother smells like a vegetable.

Anyway, just in case that isn’t incentive enough to keep posting and keep me entertained, I see your ‘Your mom smells like brocolli’ and raise you a ‘Your mother sucks cock in hell’.

(And at least my insult has a pop-culture reference in it).