Wrasslin’

So last night, I was watching the new episode of Warehouse 13 on the Sci-Fi channel (I'm sorry, I refuse to call it 'syfy') when a WWE Wrestling show came on after it.

I have to admit, when I was eight, I loved wrestling. By eleven, I'd outgrown it and was enjoying it 'ironically' and by twelve I'd worked out how stupid the whole thing was and completely stopped watching it.

That's what I thought wrestling was. Bright, colorful entertainment for children. I mean, who over the age of twelve would enjoy watching two guys pretend to fight?

A quick glance into the audience for this show proved me wrong.

Let me just point something out. When you're a forty year old guy, and you're in the audience of a WWE show, holding up a sign, screaming at the top of your voice and taking everything super-seriously…there's something seriously wrong with you. I'd like to say the 'older guys with signs' were rare in the crowd, and if there were adults there, they were only chaperoning the kids…but it appeared to be the other way round.

Ten minutes into the show I turned to Sunny and said:

"Help me out here… was I really, really dumb as a kid, or did they used to be much better at pretending to fight? That guy just knocked the other guy clear across the ring with a punch that missed him by a clear two feet."

"I refuse to hold a conversation with anyone watching wrestling." Said Sunny, returning to her laptop.

I remembered all those arguments I had about whether wrestling was 'real' when my age was still in the single digits. There were a lot of camps. Some of my friends said it was all real. Some said it was all fake. Others said some matches were fake, but all the title fights were definitely real.

Ten minutes into this show and I was struck with two possibilities. Either wrestlers today are much, much worse at fake-fighting than they were twenty years ago…or my friends and I were retarded.

But the show left me with one big question:

The average adult wrestling fan, and let's not mince words here, is a fucking redneck. Given the average redneck's 'values'…can they not see how fucking gay wrestling is?

It's two extremely buff, oiled-up muscular dudes…in brightly colored costumes (and speedos)…grabbing and twisting each other into crazy positions for ten minutes (including a lot of moves that can only be described as 'face to crotch'), before one guy pins the other guy onto his back.

Seriously, imagine describing a still picture from a wrestling match out of context and try not to sound gay.

Ok, so the oily dude in the knee high patent leather boots and bright yellow speedo is holding the other muscular oily dude with the ribbons hanging from his arms upside down so their faces are in each other's crotches.The first guy has his mouth wide open and looks like he's screaming.