Saying Goodbye to Helena and Alice…

Moving to England obviously means I have to leave my rifle and shotgun behind. I won't lie to you, it's heartbreaking. I bought my trusty .22 as soon as I was legally able to do so, and it's been one of my prize possessions ever since. I'm not a trigger happy gun-nut, but buying that rifle felt like a rite of passage after getting my greencard. The Shotgun was an early Christmas gift from Sunny…they both have a lot sentimental value.

It wasn't all bad. My cousin owns and import export business, which means shipping a lot of stuff home is no longer an issue, because he'll do it for free, so I decided I'd sell my guns and use the money to buy something I can bring with me…a decent podcast setup with a proper mixer, etc. The kit I want costs $130 dollars, but the same kit costs about 200GBP in England which works out to around $350US, so it makes sense to buy it here and ship it back to England.

So, today, I took both guns to a local Pawn shop…

Fucking Pawn shops.

You see, we'd bought the shotgun from the very same store for $225, and while my rifle is only worth $120, I'd put a $60 scope on it, which needed a $20 mount and $25 scope rings…oh, and a good after-market $40 30-round clip. So all in all, it's a $120 rifle in perfect condition with $105 worth of accessories.

So I took them in, and the asshole behind the counter asked what I was asking for them.

I pointed out that I'd bought the shotgun from them for $225, so I figured around $125 was more than fair…I know pawn shops don't buy at retail prices and need to make a profit, so I figured a $100 profit for them on the Mossberg was more than fair. I explained how much the rifle cost, and how much all the accessories were, and said I figured he could sell it for at least $180, so I suggested that I wanted around $100 for it.

He looked at me and said "Hmmm, I can do $150."

I said "Each?"

He said "No, for both."

"Come on!" I said, explaining the accessories on the rifle again. "I'm offering you two guns for $225, which you'll make back on the Mossberg alone. I'm basically offering you the Mossberg at cost and giving you the rifle for free."

"$150 for both." He said. "and you'll have to pass a background check again when you come to pick them up."

"Ah," I said, suddenly understanding. "I don't want to pawn them, I just want to sell them…with no risk on your end, can you up the price a little?"

"Sure." He said, smiling. "$160"

Motherfucking-shitfaced-asshole-COCKTARD!

It was total bullshit. Sure, I know that re-selling is how pawn shops make a profit, but I was offering him something he could easily sell for $350 or more and he wanted to pay me $160 for them. That's not a deal…that's just robbery…especially when he said he would give me $100 for the Mossberg (to make a $125 profit) and just sixty for my $225 rifle.

The thing was, I was completely over a barrel. I have to sell these guns, because I certainly can't bring them with me…and because the Mossberg is full bore riot gun, and therefore not much use for hunting or sporting purposes, none of my friends or family were interested in buying it, I can't put it on eBay for obvious reasons… and I'm sure as hell not going to put up an ad somewhere and hand over a shotgun to a complete stranger while it's still registered to me.

So, I took the $100 for the Mossberg. It was robbery and less than half what I paid them for it in the first place, but at least it was just $25 below my asking price. As for the rifle, I told him in a very polite way that he could fuck right off. Luckily, one of my in-laws has expressed interest in my .22 at the far more reasonable price of $120… and I only took it to the pawn shop hoping for a quick sale.

Then, with the five twenty dollar bills in my wallet, I decided not to buy the mixer (at least not yet)…and instead bought Sunny the Nook eBook reader she's had her eye on. She's spoiled me so badly over the past six years it's almost embarrassing…so I figured I'd return the favor for once. Given that my move back to the UK is because I've been out of work since I got here, it's not very often I have the means to treat her the way she deserves.

Plus…it's a gadget with buttons and everything…surely she'll let me play with it.

Oh, and as for Helena (Yeah, I named my Shotgun, so what?) I hope the fucker at the pawn shop decides to keep it for himself and she rebels and blows up in his hands.