Opening a Can of Worms

Well, it appears my last post touched a nerve. So it's time to clear some things up and deal with the bumper family-sized can of worms it opened.

Twice, fellow blogger Saffy commented with this point: "How can you say whether or not
it (childbirth) is amazing or an achievement if it's something you will NEVER do because you're a bloke."

Saffy, you completely missed my point in the post and then completely missed it again in my comment. I'm not denying that childbirth is a wonderful, miraculous thing….from a biological point of view. My point is that the physical act of having a child is neither an achievement or anything to be proud of.

Do you understand? Yes, childbirth is amazing…but then so is the cell-phone network that lets me talk to anyone in the world with a tiny device I can carry in my pocket… but that doesn't mean it's an achievement for me to make a phonecall. It's like the internet is amazing… but I don't take credit for its invention when I send an email.

Basically, if you have a kid, all it means is that you had sex nine months ago. That's not an achievement. As I mentioned in the original post, if you actually raise that child properly and turn them into a sane, well-adjusted adult, that's an actual feat that I'm willing to applaud.

Now for the can of worms.

Saffy said: "It's a bit like when men get their noses in the abortion debate - you don't have the ability to be pregnant so it shouldn't be your business."

I have to admit, when I read that, my monocle popped clear off my fucking face.

I'm sorry, Saffy, but that's one of the most ridiculously sexist, bullshit thing I've ever read.

In the past, I've said that my point of view on abortion is that it's none of my business, because I agree that it's not my place to tell a stranger what to do. I won't lie, I have my own views on the subject, but those views are superceded by one of the main tenets I live my life by: Morals and values are personal things that no-one should force on anyone else.

Basically, if a woman wants an abortion, that's none of my business…but saying men in general shouldn't have a say is total horseshit. A random female I've never met wanting a abortion is none of my business, but when it comes to their partners and husbands? You're damn fucking right it's their business.

As fellow blogger Evan said:

"(1) A man and woman have sex, and a child is conceived. Heck, to further the argument, let's say that he wore a condom and it broke. She becomes pregnant and decides to have the child. The man has NO say in this, and also is on the hook for child support. This, by the way, is the status quo.

(2) A man and a woman have sex, and a child is conceived. She becomes pregnant and decides to terminate the pregnancy, despite HIS willingness to raise the child.

I understand that in the end it's the woman's body, but how can any woman worth her salt claim that it's "not the man's business?""

Let me take this a little further and expand on what Evan said.

If a child is conceived, by law, the man is required to care for that child, even if he's not 'in the picture'. The thinking there is that the man is 50% responsible for the creation of that child, so he's 50% responsible to raise that child to adulthood. That's perfectly fine and I agree with it…even though the laws governing custody basically treat fatherhood as a joke.

However, you're saying that if a woman wants an abortion, it's none of the father's business, even though the law (and conventional wisdom) states that the father is 50% responsible for the child. In other words, if you choose to have the baby, the father should be forced to support the child because it's his baby as well. However, if you choose to have an abortion, it's none of the father's business because 'it's your body'.

Let me illustrate this further and hopefully make you see this a different way.

In our society, motherhood is all but worshipped, while fatherhood is diminished to the point where the only real 'right' of fatherhood is the legal obligation to financially support the child and mother.

If a couple get pregnant and the woman chooses to have the child against the wishes of the father, that's exactly the same as a woman getting pregnant and being forced to have the child whether she wants it or not. If the woman chooses to have an abortion against the wishes of the father, that is also exactly the same as a woman wanting a child and being forced to have an abortion.

As simply as I can put it, if a woman was forced to abort her child that's a human rights violation and a crime against nature…if a man is forced to abort his child, it's no big deal. If a woman wants to abort her child because she wants to stay in school or keep her career, that's her right as well. If the man wants that, tough shit, he shouldn't have dipped his dick if he didn't want a child.

Are you spotting a double standard here? I'll give you a hint: Motherhood is sacred, Fatherhood is meaningless.

Now, okay, I'll admit that the fact the woman has to carry the child is a factor…but when we're talking about sexual equality, this is one area where the sexes are absolutely not equal and everything is entirely in the female's favor.

Basically, I want you to imagine getting pregnant, wanting to keep the child, and being forced against your will to have an abortion…or vice versa… because that's what millions of men are forced to go through every day.

Put simply, if Sunny got pregnant, she would be pregnant with my child…and the very idea that you can say that I have absolutely no right to any sort of say in what happens to my child is just downright fucking offensive.

In other words, the things you claim as a basic human rights don't apply to men. Your argument, in the same breath, says that men are completely responsible and obligated to the children they produce…but also don't matter at all.