I Hear ALL!!!

This story, I just have to relay because it cracked me up. Chances are it’s one of those “You had to be there” stories, but who cares? This is my blog, and I can write what I want!

First, the back story.

The vendor in my SL store has a report function. In other words, if I’m online, the second someone buys something I get a notification of who bought what, how much they paid and which location they bought it from.

Now being the simply fantastic guy I am, I often check my sales list and either completely refund money that came from friends, or at least return half of it. (It’s not a strict policy, it depends on if I’m online or not, or can be bothered trawling through my sales reports).

Well, Misty is often online at the same time I am, so I usually get notification when she’s bought something right away. So from her point of view, she buys an item and then suddenly finds I pay her either the whole amount or half back.

This is where things get interesting.

For Misty, this had led to the belief that I am somehow omnipresent, at least within the confines of my store. The rumor has spread that nothing can happen in my stores without me being instantly aware of it.

How does he know what I’ve bought? How can he pay back the money so fast? How does he know?

Now while it’s true that SL is home to some extremely nasty and simply devious listening devices, it’s also they’re against the SL Terms of Service. If you record someone’s conversation without their knowledge, it’s a bannable offense.

In other words, while I’d love to eavesdrop and listen to what people are saying about my outfits…I don’t want to get banned from SL to do it.

So let me put that rumor to rest right now. If you’re in my store, I only know if you buy something. Nothing else.

Now for the actual story:

So yesterday morning, I log in early because I had some maintenance to do. Within seconds, I get an IM from Bridget…

Let me describe Bridget. You may know her as “Enigma” from her blog. She’s one of those funny, irreverent people, but I wouldn’t actually describe her as ‘silly’.

So I was surprised when I got her IM.

(This isn’t verbatim, but as close as I can remember)

Bridget : ROFL, Did you just log in for any particular reason?

Paulius : Huh? I’m just on for a few minutes, need to update my server.

Bridget : Oh, ok *giggle*

Sunny was sitting next to me, and said what I was thinking. “What’s going on with Bridget?” Why was my simple act of logging in funny?…and did she just giggle?

Paulius : Have you been drinking?

An obvious question I thought.

Bridget : LOL, no. (more giggles, rofl’s and lmao’s)

Apparently, she’d bought into the omnipresence theory. She finally cut and pasted what she’d said upon entering my store

Bridget : Kicks the big grey vendor thing because it won’t load fast enough.

Bridget : “Sigh, guess I’ll come back later”

Bridget : Looks around

Bridget : Picks her underwear out of her ass, and looks around again.

Bridget : “Did ya see that, Paulius? Did ya see that, huh?!?!”

Apparently, I logged in mere moments later.

Well, I thought it was funny. It was a slow news day.

On the upside, an SL typo led me to accidentally coin the word “Buttloaf”, which is my new favorite insult word ever. As in:

“Shut it, Buttloaf.”