Some people...I just wanna Pimp-Slap

I think I’ve finally discovered a way to make a buttload of money with very little effort:

Step One : Get a Phd in Psychology (although making a Phd certificate on my PC would do)

Step Two : Get someone to pay me for an off-the-wall theory, delivered with authority as fact, on an issue were people want easy answers.

Step Three : Laugh all the way to the bank.

Today I read an article on ‘comfort foods’ and sugar addiction. It was about how people can get addicted to certain foods, why we are drawn to certain foods when we feel down and the vicious circles this can cause. (I eat when I’m upset and I’m upset because I’m overweight).

What made me laugh was the following quote from a ‘Phd’:

“When we’re stressed we automatically crave the foods we ate as children, a worry and stress free time.”

One word for you, fella…Bullshit.

In other words: “I’ve got to come up with a logical sounding, but ultimately stupid theory in order to convince myself I’m more intelligent than everyone else.”

First of all, when you were a kid, did you eat more high-fat stuff and candy than you do now? Probably not, considering most parents don’t see candy and junk food as the best choice for a growing child.

Secondly, childhood wasn’t as worry and stress free as we like to remember it. Fair enough, you didn’t have any real problems, but did anyone else stress out on their first day of school? The first time you were faced with a bitch teacher? The first time you had to struggle to do something?

This might just be me, but I’m far happier and less stressed out as a 25 year old than I ever was when I was 5 or 15.

So let me give another theory, this is one of my own…it might be a bit over-simplistic, but then again, I don’t have a Phd:

“When we’re stressed, we automatically crave fatty foods and candy, because they taste good and make us feel better.”

Seriously, is there any more to it than that? Chocolate or ice-cream tastes really good. It’s a pleasant experience. We’re feeling down, so we eat something we know we’ll enjoy to feel better.

I remember reading something somewhere about a guy who left college and wanted to write a book about investing, aimed at young adults. The only problem was he realized he could write everything you needed to know about successful investing on two sheets of paper. In his own words: “Who would pay for that? You’d realize you were mostly paying for the cover!”

That’s the problem with people like this Phd. There’s a very simple, common sense answer. It’s easy to understand.

However, when you want to write about it, you have to come up with alternative, more complicated theories in order to make the thing worth getting paid for.

In other words, a 350 page book on how junk food reminds us of childhood, and therefore ‘takes us back to a simpler time’ as a way of mentally escaping from our problems is far more likely to sell than a single sentence which reads:

“It tastes good and makes us feel better.”