Spam Spam Spam Spam

Hey all,

Second post today, so make sure you scroll down and read the other one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyone else noticed the spam on Blogspot getting out of hand recently?

It was one of the reasons I actually chose Blogspot over all the other ‘free blog’ sites, you’re not required to have a million ads on screen, just that blogger toolbar…which is actually useful for playing ‘Russian Blogette’. (You know, click the next blog button and hope that you land on a site that actually has some writing in it, makes sense, the typing isn’t in i33t speak, or Like ThIs).

Spam is quite simply one of the most annoying things on the planet. This is because:

1) It’s intrusive and gets in the way when you’re surfing
2) Usually loaded with spyware/adware
3) Leaves all kinds of porn sites in your favourites/history
4) Always the same old shit (get a larger penis/more hair/sex/Viagra)
5) Claims to be from a major international company, but doesn’t actually know how to spell ‘international company’
6) Is so badly designed it looks like a clown threw up on your monitor
7) Lies through its teeth ‘You are a winner’, ‘click here and get a free iPod’
8) Has inane, obviously bullshit ‘testimonials’ “I took one pill and can now see through lead! Thanks BullShitCo!”

Don’t even get me started on browser hijacks…the equivalent of breaking into your house, covering every square inch of the walls with ads, making your TV, radio and telephone spew nothing but ads…that magically replace themselves when you tear them up.

For some reason I’m not all that interested in buying anti spyware software from the company that clogged my computer with it in the first place.

However, Blogger spam pisses me off more than anything else.

I work hard on my blog, I’m proud of it. I’ve actually put some work into it, and hope that people will find it at least mildly entertaining. I’ve deliberately kept it complete ad free. No google ads, no pop-ups…no nothing. It really ticks me off when some complete and utter asshole uses my blog to push some stupid product, or scam ‘investment deal’ that no one will ever fall for.

People seem to use advertising like a bludgeon. Rather than actually target ads, or make them interesting or be truthful, they seem to think if they ram as much advertising down our throats as possible, we’ll eventually buy something. However, we get subjected to that much spam that it’s all just become white noise. How often do you actually read a popup? As soon as it appears on screen, you close it as soon as possible. Of course, then the advertisers realize that revenues are down, so they push even more advertising.

However, the absolute worst blogspam is the people who are trying to promote their own blogs. Rather than try to get readers by actually writing something interesting, or actually getting into the whole blog community thing, they go to as many random blogs as possible as write:

“Hey! Love your blog! Read it all the time! Why not read mine? www.imascumbagfucker.blogspot.com”

Or be even more blatant:

“ Go to www.ibegotthebrainsofaclownslefttesticle.blogspot.com its really cool!”

Trust me people, if you do this you’re not doing yourself any favours. In the blogosphere, just like in real life, there are no shortcuts. Yeah, you may get a sudden increase in your hit counter, but this is only from people going to your blog to comment back to tell you to stay the fuck away from their blog and stop spamming.

I once got a comment from some girl who followed the ‘your blog is great, I read it all the time’ formula. However, I knew from my stats that this was her first visit, and her own blog consisted of a single line. Some song lyric TyPed LiKe THIs. Wow…that was worth reading. Thanks for wasting 5 minutes of my life, fuckstick.

Ok, ad spammers can kiss my ass. Every time I get spam, I neotrace it, find their host and report them as spammers. Failing that I email bomb them. If they want to clog my inbox, or comments section, let them spend a few hours deleting the 10 million emails I send them.

For Blogspammers, trying to promote their own crappy blog, let me give you this guide:

1) Before you start your blog, ask yourself this question: ‘Do I have anything to say?’ I’m not being elitist here. Even if you want to blog about your cornflake collection, that’s fine. If however you want a blog just because ‘everyone else has one’…don’t bother. The internet is already clogged with about a trillion one-post blogs. Usually saying ‘Wow, I got a blog! This is my first post!’.
2) The comments section is to comment on a blogger’s post. It’s not free advertising.
3) Obviously spamming someone’s blog will NOT get you more readers. It just means that the person whose blog you spammed will think you’re a dickhead, along with everyone else who sees your spam comment.
4) The one and only way to get more readers is to make your blog interesting. Yeah, spamming might get you a few hits, but those readers are only going to visit once.
5) Get involved in the Blogger community. Actually READ other people’s blogs and leave relevant comments. If you don’t act like a complete tool, and actually write an interesting blog, they may even link to you.
6) Writing ‘I love your blog, I read it all the time!’ before including your own blog URL in foot high letters isn’t fooling anyone. You obviously just look for blogs with high visitor numbers and want your blog mentioned on it. Real bloggers aren’t 3rd graders who will automatically compliment your work because you complimented theirs.
7) You can’t polish a turd. All the spamming in the world will not get a crappy, one post blog a large readership
8) Actually publish some content. Have something on your blog to read before you start promoting it. If you use my comments section to promote your blog, and your blog is actually good, that’s fine. Having your own blog for 15 minutes, typing the obligatory test post, then spamming as many blogs as possible, is a great way to say “Look everyone! I’m a complete tool!”
9) Blogging actually takes a little bit of work. It involves sitting in front of your computer, writing content. No one will buy a book that has a single sentence that says “Yay! I GoT MY OwN BOoK! PeAcE oUT PeePs”, and no one wants to read a blog that has the same thing. Also, random images, sounds and a cursor that trails stars is not content.
10) I understand that getting a new blog can be exciting and a huge novelty. You want as many people to visit as possible. You want your blog to get as many hits as possible. However, spamming is not the way to get popular. Trust me, every spam initiated visitor is someone who’s just pissed at you

I could be wrong here, but am I the only person left that thinks you should actually have something to advertise before you start advertising? It’s like wiping before you poop, it just doesn’t make sense.