Reading Mike’s blog today, I was reminded of the one thing everyone used to say while watching Star Wars:
“Wouldn’t it be cool if you had Jedi Powers?”
The classic schoolboy reaction. ‘That would be soooo cooooool!’.
However, having far too much time on my hands, I thought about it, and realized it’s probably a good job that I don’t have Jedi powers. I’m pretty sure that within a year, I’d make the Emperor look like a boy scout, and Darth Vader look like a sissy girl.
You see, I don’t think it’s possible for any one person to have that kind of power, and not turn evil. I’m pretty sure that’s why the Jedi Council in the movies exists, so that everyone can keep an eye on everyone else.
Think of it, you’d start off small. You’d be waiting in line, when it would suddenly dawn on you that with a wave of your hand, you could walk to the front, and everyone would believe you’d been there all along. Not exactly evil, more ‘unfair’.
But then you’d think a bit more. “Hey! I could walk into that bank over there, do a quick Jedi mind-trick, and walk out with a few million, and no one would ever know!”
You’d convince yourself you weren’t being ‘bad’ exactly. The bank’s insured, you’re not hurting anyone or using a weapon. Hell, it’s hardly even a crime! You’ve worked hard, you deserve it! No one’s going to miss it!
Then you’d start to fuck with people’s free will. Again, starting small, making other people do things for you. Arriving at work, seeing that huge pile of papers on your desk.
(waves hand) “This isn’t my work.”
“This isn’t your work.”
“You put it on my desk by accident.”
“I put it on your desk by accident.”
“You’ll give it to someone else.”
“I’ll give it to someone else.”
Again, a small thing, but removing another's free will is, in my opinion, the basis of all evil. Today you’ve got someone doing your work for you. Tomorrow you’re not doing any work at all. Who’s to say what you’d be doing in a year or two’s time?
Slowly, it would dawn on you. You can do whatever you want, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it!
Also, have you ever noticed that when someone’s getting in your face, the smaller and weaker they are, the more it annoys you? Someone your own age and size will annoy you, but when the 16 year old, spotty, 80lb management trainee goes off on a power trip with you, getting right up in your face…it really, really needles you?
Imagine living in a world where everyone was like that. If an 8 foot tall 350lb mountain of a man pushes a guy in your face, you know you can stop those bullets with a thought, and a simple gesture would send him flying through the opposite wall.
How long could you continue to take orders from people who you could destroy with a thought? How many times have you wished you could punch an annoying boss in the face? Fear of reprisals, losing your job, jail time and your own morality makes sure you use your self control right now, but what if all those consequences are taken away? How long before you really lose your temper?
I’ve no doubt you’d start out thinking you were doing good. You’d convince people to do things for ‘their own good’. You’d take charge because your way is better than the current way of doing things. But that begs the question, who are you to decide what’s best for anyone else?
I’m not saying that every single person gifted with that kind of power would become a mass murderer or destroy continents, but I’d guarantee that anyone with that kind of power would change drastically for the worst. At best, it would lead to severe sociopathic behaviour.
Many of you think that this is complete and utter codswallop. if you had Jedi Powers, you'd become a superhero, on a super villain.
Let me use a real life example. Name one dictator, a single individual with complete and total control over their country, that didn't do things that were morally reprehensible. Also, bear in mind that these people had the fear that their people would rise up against them. if you were the one person on Earth with Jedi powers, that wouldn't apply
It all goes back to the old maxim “Power corrupts…and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
When you live in a world where you can do whatever you want, it won’t be long before you do just that.
What do you think?
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Monday, September 12, 2005
Ok, let me put myself ‘out there’ for a minute.
A long time ago, I realized that if you really look hard at a word, it starts to look, well…wrong. It looses all meaning, or looks like it’s spelled wrong, or looks like it’s just plain made up.
As an example, look at this word for a minute:
THINK
Now say it a few times, over and over. Think, think, think, think.
I’m always left with a feeling that it’s spelled wrong, and that I’ve spontaneously developed a lisp. There seems to be a letter missing, although I can’t figure out what it is.
I thought I was insane. You know, no one else does this, That’s why I was so releived sitting in the University library, discussing a project when someone said they do the same thing to.
However, I have another habit, that I’m pretty sure is just my own.
I’ll occasionally invent a new word, just for the hell of it. I’ll be sitting there, bored, then suddenly my mind produces a gigantic, linguistic abortion.
‘SHPLIMPENGO!’ that little voice in my head shouts. “That’s a good word, or how about ‘Gnarbleflocker’?”
“They’re ok.” The other, saner voice replies. “But what do they mean?”
“Buggered if I know.” Says the first voice.
Another of my little habits is I’ll find myself inventing names, like “Spanky Robertson” or “Doris McFlickersnicker” that I’ll find funny, and they’ll stay with me for a few days.
Yup, I think I’m definitely one sandwich short of a picnic.
A long time ago, I realized that if you really look hard at a word, it starts to look, well…wrong. It looses all meaning, or looks like it’s spelled wrong, or looks like it’s just plain made up.
As an example, look at this word for a minute:
THINK
Now say it a few times, over and over. Think, think, think, think.
I’m always left with a feeling that it’s spelled wrong, and that I’ve spontaneously developed a lisp. There seems to be a letter missing, although I can’t figure out what it is.
I thought I was insane. You know, no one else does this, That’s why I was so releived sitting in the University library, discussing a project when someone said they do the same thing to.
However, I have another habit, that I’m pretty sure is just my own.
I’ll occasionally invent a new word, just for the hell of it. I’ll be sitting there, bored, then suddenly my mind produces a gigantic, linguistic abortion.
‘SHPLIMPENGO!’ that little voice in my head shouts. “That’s a good word, or how about ‘Gnarbleflocker’?”
“They’re ok.” The other, saner voice replies. “But what do they mean?”
“Buggered if I know.” Says the first voice.
Another of my little habits is I’ll find myself inventing names, like “Spanky Robertson” or “Doris McFlickersnicker” that I’ll find funny, and they’ll stay with me for a few days.
Yup, I think I’m definitely one sandwich short of a picnic.
Quickie (oo er missus)
No time for a post today, so I thought I'd entertain you all with a crappy joke.
A duck walks into a bakery and says "Do you have any ham?"
The owner looks at the duck and says. "No, sorry, this is a bakery"
So the duck walks out, looking disappointed. The next day, however, he returns:
"Got any ham?" The duck says.
"No, I told you yesterday, this is a bakery. We do not sell ham!"
The duck leaves again, disappointed, but he comes back the next day, and the day after that and the day after that...
After a few weeks of this, the baker loses it and screams:
"IF YOU ASK ME FOR HAM ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE COUNTER!!!!"
So the duck leaves.
About a week later, the duck walks back into the bakery. The baker glares at him, ready to pounce at the word 'ham'. However, the duck surprises him
"Do you have any nails?" The duck asks.
"No." Said the baker.
"Good." replies the duck. "Got any ham?"
Badum tsssshhhh!
A duck walks into a bakery and says "Do you have any ham?"
The owner looks at the duck and says. "No, sorry, this is a bakery"
So the duck walks out, looking disappointed. The next day, however, he returns:
"Got any ham?" The duck says.
"No, I told you yesterday, this is a bakery. We do not sell ham!"
The duck leaves again, disappointed, but he comes back the next day, and the day after that and the day after that...
After a few weeks of this, the baker loses it and screams:
"IF YOU ASK ME FOR HAM ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE COUNTER!!!!"
So the duck leaves.
About a week later, the duck walks back into the bakery. The baker glares at him, ready to pounce at the word 'ham'. However, the duck surprises him
"Do you have any nails?" The duck asks.
"No." Said the baker.
"Good." replies the duck. "Got any ham?"
Badum tsssshhhh!
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I'm Funny, You Know. Honestly, I Really, Really Am!
All of my regular readers will know of my campaign to create the Stupid Law, punishing people for being as thick as submarine doors.
However, I would now like to present a new statute to you, and that is the “Shoot anyone who describes themselves as ‘funny’, ‘wacky’ and especially ‘zany’" Law.
You see, folks, the truth is, if you really are funny, wacky or zany, you don’t have to tell anyone. People just know. Think about it, comedians are described as funny, but you rarely hear them talking themselves about how amazingly hilarious they are.
These ‘hey everyone! I’m so funny, wacky and zany!’ people all have one thing in common. An extremely skewed self image. They think they’re being funny, when in actual fact, they’re just being incredibly irritating. Everyone has a friend like this (or to be more precise, someone who hangs around that you can’t quite ever seem to shake off). They pride themselves on being ‘the funny one’, base their entire self worth around it…and never seem to cotton on to the fact that you’re just too damn embarrassed to have them anywhere near your normal friends.
A good sense of humor is something that you either have, or you haven’t. In a way it’s a lot like singing. If you’re not born with a good voice, you might be able to train yourself to hold a tune, but you’ll never get anywhere near professional standard.
However, the worst offenders of IFWZ Syndrome are TV presenters. You can tell that the producers just grabbed some guy off the street and said “We want to appeal to the kids! Be hip and cool! Don’t forget to be wacky and zany as well!”
So they go on TV, think they’re coming across as all hip and ‘with it’, and priding themselves on the fact that everyone is obviously in stitches at their antics. Look at them go! Doing that funky little sit-down dance to the show’s theme!
It’s a shame that to everyone else they’re coming across as the teacher at school who is desperate to be ‘in’ with the kids, so uses decade old slang and talks about the same crappy pop song every lesson.
I’ve experienced these people, both on TV and in real life.
Back in merry olde England, I took a Christmas job at a menswear store. You know the deal. The regular staff are taking time off for Christmas, or they need extra staff to deal with her rush. So I lied through my teeth during the interview (experience? Sure, I worked in another branch in Wigan for three years!).
So the staff was broken into two distinct groups. The regulars and us temps.
Unfortunately, one of the other temps that never seems to leave me alone was a classic case of ‘IFWZ Syndrome’. He told me, on no fewer than 8 occasions on that first day that he was funny.
Really? I thought funny people just told jokes and are, you know, funny. I didn’t realize you had to tell people. I'll call him 'Dickhead', to protect the fucking irritating.
Just in case you don’t get it yet, he wasn’t funny. Let’s just say that after spending an hour with him, not even alone, I was fantasizing about feeding him feet first into a blender…or maybe running a steam roller over him at 1/8th of a mile per hour.
He, however, had the worst possible variation of IFWZ syndrome. He mistook being irritating, in your face and being downright rude for a sense of humor. He’d comment on the girls makeup, that he thought they were fat, would call you gay…and the worst thing was the more people got mad and told him to go away, the worse things got.
Put it this way, one of the regulars mistook him for a friend of mine. Basically because he glued himself to me, and told me how funny he was all the time.
“You want to have a word with him.” The regular said. “He’s going to get himself beaten up.”
So, I broached the subject with him. Very subtly hinted that the way he was acting might get him into trouble one day.
Do you know what the fuckwit actually said? This is a direct quote, not altered, embellished or exaggerated in any way:
“Nah, that’s okay. I’m funny, I just use my sense of humor to get me out of trouble.”
Hate to tell you pal, that 'sense of humor' you think you have is the thing that's getting you into trouble, and has a snowball's chance in hell of getting you 'out' of anything (except maybe friendship or sex). You have more an anti-sense of humor. Humor makes people laugh and makes them like you. What you have makes people cringe and fantasize about bashing your head in with the fridge door.
When the fit hits the shan, don't expect me to back you up. Expect me to stand back, point and laugh. You getting beat up, now that's comedy!!
The good news, one day, Dickhead decided it would be pure comic gold to tell one long, very detailed (and also completely made up) story.
The story involved one of the regulars being caught by Dickhead in the stockroom... trying to have sex with one of the store mannequins.
Dickhead told this story one Monday evening in the breakroom. He told the story, complete with hand movements. Watching him tell this story, it occured to me that his gesticulations made him look like some kind of retarded, perverted mime with Parkinson’s disease.
You'd have thought this, at least, might have earned poor Dickhead a chuckle...
Instead the breakroom was bathed in an almost supernatural uneasy silence. Dickhead didn't take this as an indication that everyone was simply waiting patiently for him to go away, but took it as enraptured, adoring attention.
However, everyone else was just thinking what the regular is question would do to him when he found out
Upon hearing of Dickhead's one-man show, the regular in question damn near knocked Dickhead out.
Here’s what I remember of the conversation, shortly after me and three other guys had to hold the regular back:
Regular : “Just shut the fuck up, you sad little bastard! You make up shit about me again, or get in my face just one more time, and you’ll be eating your Christmas dinner through a fucking straw!”
Dickhead (shocked) : “What? Can’t you take a joke?”
Hey, I just made out that you're a mannequin screwing, slavering lunatic! How can you possibly be offended by that?
Regular : “That’s not a joke you little fuckweed! You just be glad I need this job, or I’d throw you through that front window.”
The main display window, and a beauty at that. I'd have paid good money to see it
Dickhead (I swear, no shit) : “You’re just jealous because I’m getting all the attention! You just wish you were as funny as I am!”
At this point. It took all my strength, and the two other guys as well to hold him back. I came this close to just letting him go...and no-one would have blamed me for it.
Regular : “You pathetic little shit! Get it into your head! No one likes you! You’re an annoying little prick, and the most unfunny person I’ve ever met. Get it into your head, dickhead…You’re not FUNNY!”
Dickhead looked incredulous. To him, I guess it would be like pointing out to a lifetime KKK member and racist of the year, three years running, that he was, in fact, black.
Then came one of those awkward moments. He looked at everyone in the break room, as if expecting them to jump to his aid. Wasn’t anyone going to defend him and say just how funny all his ‘jokes’ were?
Instead, everyone just refused to make eye contact. One or two gave him a sneer, but most just became extremely interested in their shoes. There where mutterings that sounded suspiciously like 'dickhead', 'little shit' and at least one 'toss pot'.
If you want an idea of just how annoying this guy was, despite the fact that the regular actually attempted to start a fight in close earshot of the customers…it was dickhead who got fired.
So you see, it doesn’t matter how funny you want to be. It doesn’t matter if your life long ambition is to be a stand up comic…don’t tell people you’re funny... just actually try to be funny!
If people don’t laugh, it’s not them not understanding your sophisticated sense of humor, it's not a 'bad audience'…it’s just that you're about as funny as a truck load of dead puppies.
Oh, and it’s a law of the universe that every unit of funniness you think you have over your actual funniness level…that one wrongly identified humour point is in fact fifteen irritator points.
In short. Shut up, dickhead. You're not funny.
To close, many of you are probably wondering…’Does Paulius think he’s funny?”
Nope.
Just incredibly, incredibly sarcastic.
However, I would now like to present a new statute to you, and that is the “Shoot anyone who describes themselves as ‘funny’, ‘wacky’ and especially ‘zany’" Law.
You see, folks, the truth is, if you really are funny, wacky or zany, you don’t have to tell anyone. People just know. Think about it, comedians are described as funny, but you rarely hear them talking themselves about how amazingly hilarious they are.
These ‘hey everyone! I’m so funny, wacky and zany!’ people all have one thing in common. An extremely skewed self image. They think they’re being funny, when in actual fact, they’re just being incredibly irritating. Everyone has a friend like this (or to be more precise, someone who hangs around that you can’t quite ever seem to shake off). They pride themselves on being ‘the funny one’, base their entire self worth around it…and never seem to cotton on to the fact that you’re just too damn embarrassed to have them anywhere near your normal friends.
A good sense of humor is something that you either have, or you haven’t. In a way it’s a lot like singing. If you’re not born with a good voice, you might be able to train yourself to hold a tune, but you’ll never get anywhere near professional standard.
However, the worst offenders of IFWZ Syndrome are TV presenters. You can tell that the producers just grabbed some guy off the street and said “We want to appeal to the kids! Be hip and cool! Don’t forget to be wacky and zany as well!”
So they go on TV, think they’re coming across as all hip and ‘with it’, and priding themselves on the fact that everyone is obviously in stitches at their antics. Look at them go! Doing that funky little sit-down dance to the show’s theme!
It’s a shame that to everyone else they’re coming across as the teacher at school who is desperate to be ‘in’ with the kids, so uses decade old slang and talks about the same crappy pop song every lesson.
I’ve experienced these people, both on TV and in real life.
Back in merry olde England, I took a Christmas job at a menswear store. You know the deal. The regular staff are taking time off for Christmas, or they need extra staff to deal with her rush. So I lied through my teeth during the interview (experience? Sure, I worked in another branch in Wigan for three years!).
So the staff was broken into two distinct groups. The regulars and us temps.
Unfortunately, one of the other temps that never seems to leave me alone was a classic case of ‘IFWZ Syndrome’. He told me, on no fewer than 8 occasions on that first day that he was funny.
Really? I thought funny people just told jokes and are, you know, funny. I didn’t realize you had to tell people. I'll call him 'Dickhead', to protect the fucking irritating.
Just in case you don’t get it yet, he wasn’t funny. Let’s just say that after spending an hour with him, not even alone, I was fantasizing about feeding him feet first into a blender…or maybe running a steam roller over him at 1/8th of a mile per hour.
He, however, had the worst possible variation of IFWZ syndrome. He mistook being irritating, in your face and being downright rude for a sense of humor. He’d comment on the girls makeup, that he thought they were fat, would call you gay…and the worst thing was the more people got mad and told him to go away, the worse things got.
Put it this way, one of the regulars mistook him for a friend of mine. Basically because he glued himself to me, and told me how funny he was all the time.
“You want to have a word with him.” The regular said. “He’s going to get himself beaten up.”
So, I broached the subject with him. Very subtly hinted that the way he was acting might get him into trouble one day.
Do you know what the fuckwit actually said? This is a direct quote, not altered, embellished or exaggerated in any way:
“Nah, that’s okay. I’m funny, I just use my sense of humor to get me out of trouble.”
Hate to tell you pal, that 'sense of humor' you think you have is the thing that's getting you into trouble, and has a snowball's chance in hell of getting you 'out' of anything (except maybe friendship or sex). You have more an anti-sense of humor. Humor makes people laugh and makes them like you. What you have makes people cringe and fantasize about bashing your head in with the fridge door.
When the fit hits the shan, don't expect me to back you up. Expect me to stand back, point and laugh. You getting beat up, now that's comedy!!
The good news, one day, Dickhead decided it would be pure comic gold to tell one long, very detailed (and also completely made up) story.
The story involved one of the regulars being caught by Dickhead in the stockroom... trying to have sex with one of the store mannequins.
Dickhead told this story one Monday evening in the breakroom. He told the story, complete with hand movements. Watching him tell this story, it occured to me that his gesticulations made him look like some kind of retarded, perverted mime with Parkinson’s disease.
You'd have thought this, at least, might have earned poor Dickhead a chuckle...
Instead the breakroom was bathed in an almost supernatural uneasy silence. Dickhead didn't take this as an indication that everyone was simply waiting patiently for him to go away, but took it as enraptured, adoring attention.
However, everyone else was just thinking what the regular is question would do to him when he found out
Upon hearing of Dickhead's one-man show, the regular in question damn near knocked Dickhead out.
Here’s what I remember of the conversation, shortly after me and three other guys had to hold the regular back:
Regular : “Just shut the fuck up, you sad little bastard! You make up shit about me again, or get in my face just one more time, and you’ll be eating your Christmas dinner through a fucking straw!”
Dickhead (shocked) : “What? Can’t you take a joke?”
Hey, I just made out that you're a mannequin screwing, slavering lunatic! How can you possibly be offended by that?
Regular : “That’s not a joke you little fuckweed! You just be glad I need this job, or I’d throw you through that front window.”
The main display window, and a beauty at that. I'd have paid good money to see it
Dickhead (I swear, no shit) : “You’re just jealous because I’m getting all the attention! You just wish you were as funny as I am!”
At this point. It took all my strength, and the two other guys as well to hold him back. I came this close to just letting him go...and no-one would have blamed me for it.
Regular : “You pathetic little shit! Get it into your head! No one likes you! You’re an annoying little prick, and the most unfunny person I’ve ever met. Get it into your head, dickhead…You’re not FUNNY!”
Dickhead looked incredulous. To him, I guess it would be like pointing out to a lifetime KKK member and racist of the year, three years running, that he was, in fact, black.
Then came one of those awkward moments. He looked at everyone in the break room, as if expecting them to jump to his aid. Wasn’t anyone going to defend him and say just how funny all his ‘jokes’ were?
Instead, everyone just refused to make eye contact. One or two gave him a sneer, but most just became extremely interested in their shoes. There where mutterings that sounded suspiciously like 'dickhead', 'little shit' and at least one 'toss pot'.
If you want an idea of just how annoying this guy was, despite the fact that the regular actually attempted to start a fight in close earshot of the customers…it was dickhead who got fired.
So you see, it doesn’t matter how funny you want to be. It doesn’t matter if your life long ambition is to be a stand up comic…don’t tell people you’re funny... just actually try to be funny!
If people don’t laugh, it’s not them not understanding your sophisticated sense of humor, it's not a 'bad audience'…it’s just that you're about as funny as a truck load of dead puppies.
Oh, and it’s a law of the universe that every unit of funniness you think you have over your actual funniness level…that one wrongly identified humour point is in fact fifteen irritator points.
In short. Shut up, dickhead. You're not funny.
To close, many of you are probably wondering…’Does Paulius think he’s funny?”
Nope.
Just incredibly, incredibly sarcastic.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Played Halo 86 Yet?
Here’s an amusing statistic for you.
Currently in the top ten best selling video games (all platforms), only one of them is an original title.
In the top 50 best selling video games (again, on all platforms), there is a grand total of 6 original titles.
In short, if you want a sequel, you’re in luck. If you want to try something new…not so much.
So what’s the cause of this outbreak of non-originality? Why are the games manufacturers churning out sequels, instead of establishing any new franchises?
Well, the answer to this question is the answer to nearly all life’s questions. It all comes down to money.
Computer gaming was born as the ultimate cottage industry. Once you owned a computer, you didn’t need anything else to create a computer game, just time and expertise. ‘Games studios’ often consisted of a couple of guys in a garage.
However, recently gaming has become big business. Today, gaming has established itself thoroughly in the main stream. Basically, it’s gone from small potatoes catering to a few dedicated hobbyists, to big business. Games are starting to surpass sales of DVD movies.
This influx of cold, hard cash into the industry is arguably a good thing. The overall quality, production values and voice talent of video games has gone through the roof. Whereas games used to be made with literally no budget, today games are being produced that can cost around 40 million to make, incorporating the likeness and voice talent of A list stars (Samuel L. Jackson and Michael Caine to name but a few).
This shift can be seen best in games based on major movies. Being just another part of merchandising, movie games are rarely any good. For one, the studio’s were rarely willing to go to the expense of paying the actual movie actors to star in the game. A good example of this was ’Enter the Matrix’, where you played through the game as two minor characters (Ghost and Niobe), and followed on the fringes of the movie story, IE, you would arrive at a location just after the main characters had left.
Whereas the Wachowski Brothers claimed this was intentional, as they wanted to tell more of the story, many cynical gamers (like myself) saw it another way. It was a hell of a lot cheaper to feature those characters, than pay Keanu Reeves to do a voice over session, and pay him for the use of his likeness.
Fans avoided the game like the plague. It was an ok experience, but what the point of playing a Matrix game if you don’t get to play Neo?
Basically, it wasn’t financially viable to pay A-list stars to be in a game that was only going to sell around a million copies.
Things are slowly changing. Two of this summer’s major blockbusters (Fantastic Four and Batman Begins) have both given birth to games that uses the films actual stars. In short, games are becoming popular enough to where budgets can actually justify using the film stars.
However, this influx of cash is a double edged sword. Games are, at least, getting bigger budgets (but not even big budgets can guarantee a good game, as games like Advent Rising show), but at the cost of originality.
It’s simple enough reasoning. A game studio sinks anywhere between 10 to 40 million into a game. That is one major financial investment. Any game can technically make or break a company.
So game studios are faced with a choice. Do they attempt something original and attempt to establish a new franchise? Or do they make a sequel to an already established and popular series?
An original game brings a lot of problems. First of all it has to be marketed immensely. There’s always the chance it will be completely missed by the fans. It’s a sad fact that some excellent games in the past have failed miserably. Due to lack of marketing, or that it just happened to be released along side a popular established franchise.
Sequels are easy. Even if they’re mediocre, chances are they’ll sell through name recognition alone. It’s not guaranteed, but there’s a lot bigger chance.
Take Halo, for example. An absolutely excellent game that spawned a decent sequel. If Bungie announce that they’re going to release Halo 3, it’s going to be on pre-order before it’s even been made! Sequels to popular games also almost market themselves. The response to the news that a studio like Bungie are going to release an original game is luke warm. People will look forward to it because it’s the same studio that created Halo. If Bungie announce that Halo 3 is going to come out soon, it sets the internet ablaze!
The money factor also introduces another problem that stifles originality. As the budget for games increase, so does the sale price.
A new, full priced game will cost you around 50 dollars, and that cost is only going to rise. For the average person, this makes a new game a fairly major purchase. So when your average Joe is getting ready to part with a large chunk of his hard-won greenbacks, he wants to make sure he‘s getting his money‘s worth.
Let’s face it, if you’re going to drop a large amount of cash on a new game, you want to make sure that the game is worth it. There’s nothing worse than spending a large amount of cash on a game, and then finding that the game is complete crap. Unfortunately, you can’t return a new game, just because you don’t like it.
So when you find yourself at the shelves of your local EB, are you going to risk your hard earned pennies on an original game, or are you going to choose a sequel to a game you already own and like? It’s a hard choice. In the past, you could buy a new game for around $20. If it turned out to be crap, you weren’t out a hell of a lot and could chalk it up to experience. If you’re spending almost $60, you’re not likely to be as adventurous.
I can only hope that the new found mainstream popularity of games takes us to the point where game prices will drop through sheer volume of sales. While games sequels don’t follow the trend that movie sequels do (IE, games sequels tend to be superior to the original), this lack of originality can only be a bad thing.
Currently in the top ten best selling video games (all platforms), only one of them is an original title.
In the top 50 best selling video games (again, on all platforms), there is a grand total of 6 original titles.
In short, if you want a sequel, you’re in luck. If you want to try something new…not so much.
So what’s the cause of this outbreak of non-originality? Why are the games manufacturers churning out sequels, instead of establishing any new franchises?
Well, the answer to this question is the answer to nearly all life’s questions. It all comes down to money.
Computer gaming was born as the ultimate cottage industry. Once you owned a computer, you didn’t need anything else to create a computer game, just time and expertise. ‘Games studios’ often consisted of a couple of guys in a garage.
However, recently gaming has become big business. Today, gaming has established itself thoroughly in the main stream. Basically, it’s gone from small potatoes catering to a few dedicated hobbyists, to big business. Games are starting to surpass sales of DVD movies.
This influx of cold, hard cash into the industry is arguably a good thing. The overall quality, production values and voice talent of video games has gone through the roof. Whereas games used to be made with literally no budget, today games are being produced that can cost around 40 million to make, incorporating the likeness and voice talent of A list stars (Samuel L. Jackson and Michael Caine to name but a few).
This shift can be seen best in games based on major movies. Being just another part of merchandising, movie games are rarely any good. For one, the studio’s were rarely willing to go to the expense of paying the actual movie actors to star in the game. A good example of this was ’Enter the Matrix’, where you played through the game as two minor characters (Ghost and Niobe), and followed on the fringes of the movie story, IE, you would arrive at a location just after the main characters had left.
Whereas the Wachowski Brothers claimed this was intentional, as they wanted to tell more of the story, many cynical gamers (like myself) saw it another way. It was a hell of a lot cheaper to feature those characters, than pay Keanu Reeves to do a voice over session, and pay him for the use of his likeness.
Fans avoided the game like the plague. It was an ok experience, but what the point of playing a Matrix game if you don’t get to play Neo?
Basically, it wasn’t financially viable to pay A-list stars to be in a game that was only going to sell around a million copies.
Things are slowly changing. Two of this summer’s major blockbusters (Fantastic Four and Batman Begins) have both given birth to games that uses the films actual stars. In short, games are becoming popular enough to where budgets can actually justify using the film stars.
However, this influx of cash is a double edged sword. Games are, at least, getting bigger budgets (but not even big budgets can guarantee a good game, as games like Advent Rising show), but at the cost of originality.
It’s simple enough reasoning. A game studio sinks anywhere between 10 to 40 million into a game. That is one major financial investment. Any game can technically make or break a company.
So game studios are faced with a choice. Do they attempt something original and attempt to establish a new franchise? Or do they make a sequel to an already established and popular series?
An original game brings a lot of problems. First of all it has to be marketed immensely. There’s always the chance it will be completely missed by the fans. It’s a sad fact that some excellent games in the past have failed miserably. Due to lack of marketing, or that it just happened to be released along side a popular established franchise.
Sequels are easy. Even if they’re mediocre, chances are they’ll sell through name recognition alone. It’s not guaranteed, but there’s a lot bigger chance.
Take Halo, for example. An absolutely excellent game that spawned a decent sequel. If Bungie announce that they’re going to release Halo 3, it’s going to be on pre-order before it’s even been made! Sequels to popular games also almost market themselves. The response to the news that a studio like Bungie are going to release an original game is luke warm. People will look forward to it because it’s the same studio that created Halo. If Bungie announce that Halo 3 is going to come out soon, it sets the internet ablaze!
The money factor also introduces another problem that stifles originality. As the budget for games increase, so does the sale price.
A new, full priced game will cost you around 50 dollars, and that cost is only going to rise. For the average person, this makes a new game a fairly major purchase. So when your average Joe is getting ready to part with a large chunk of his hard-won greenbacks, he wants to make sure he‘s getting his money‘s worth.
Let’s face it, if you’re going to drop a large amount of cash on a new game, you want to make sure that the game is worth it. There’s nothing worse than spending a large amount of cash on a game, and then finding that the game is complete crap. Unfortunately, you can’t return a new game, just because you don’t like it.
So when you find yourself at the shelves of your local EB, are you going to risk your hard earned pennies on an original game, or are you going to choose a sequel to a game you already own and like? It’s a hard choice. In the past, you could buy a new game for around $20. If it turned out to be crap, you weren’t out a hell of a lot and could chalk it up to experience. If you’re spending almost $60, you’re not likely to be as adventurous.
I can only hope that the new found mainstream popularity of games takes us to the point where game prices will drop through sheer volume of sales. While games sequels don’t follow the trend that movie sequels do (IE, games sequels tend to be superior to the original), this lack of originality can only be a bad thing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)