Mildly Amusing #264

The new Kitty (now named ‘Spook’, because of hit white fur and the fact that he jumps at his own shadow) has discovered that it’s immense fun to jump up and down on the TV remote. He does this because it means I have to reach for the remote, which brings my hands into range of his teeth and claws.

So, during a rare episode of Scrubs that I haven’t seen, he jumps on the remote. The channel changes to…you guessed it, Animal Planet.

So I turn back to scrubs, and a few minutes later he does it again…this time landing on “Funniest Pets and People.”

Surprisingly I didn’t actually laugh all that hard. This is odd, because yesterday he fell asleep on top of the scanner which made me think of the term “Cat Scan”…and I giggled like a schoolgirl for a good 5 minutes.

Just Because I Was Bored.

So I'm sitting in front of the TV when Sunny's pink corvette catches my eye. (I feel I should explain here, she got it from her Dad because he said he 'Would buy her a pink corvette when it was a cold day in July'...one cold July day later he bought her this model).

I don't like this car. I tend to anthropomorphise things, and its front grill makes it look angry. It's on the entertainment center next to the TV, and it always looks like it severely disagrees with my viewing choice.

Damn car, I don't car what it thinks...I'm watching the all-day Stargate SG-1 marathon whether it likes it or not!

Suddenly I had a flash of inspiration (and far too much time on my hands)...so I decided to turn Sunny's angry corvette into a cousin of Disney's 'Cars' much more lovable Lightning McQueen!

A little Photoshop magic later and...

Before


















After!



















There, isn't that much better? Now it looks like it enjoys Jack O'Neil's cynicism and Samantha Carter's 'Geek-yet-femenine-yet-tough' vibe as much as I do.

(In my own defense, the whole thing took me approximately three and a half minutes to make. Let's just say this is far from my best work. If I'd spent some time and energy on it it would look a lot better...but not bad for a 3 minute goof.)

Coming Soon! I turn a coffee maker into Optimus Prime's weakling half-brother! (A weakling but much better at producing tasty caffeinated beverages).

Resumes....Jake "The Snake" Roberts Style!

Considering I’ve had my work permit and Greencard for months now, and still haven’t found a job, I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with my resume.

I mean, there shouldn’t be. I have my degree on there, all the relevant experience I need for the type of job I’m looking for, so I just can’t figure it out.

I think I’ve found myself in that unfortunate career corridor, where I’m slightly to under qualified for the better jobs, and slightly over qualified for the lesser ones. No one will hire me as an Admin officer because I only have a couple years experience in that field…and they won’t hire me at Staples or Walmart because of the letters after my name.

However, I think I’ve found the solution to my problem. I’m going to find the guy that pitched the idea for professional wrestling and get him to write my resume for me.

I mean, imagine that meeting:

“Here’s the plan. We’re going to invent a ‘sport’ that involves groups of highly-muscled, oiled up men grappling with each other while wearing tights. Now they won’t actually fight, they’ll only pretend to, and most of the time the fighting will be wildly unrealistic. Also, we’ll have a referee, but his job will be mostly to get’ accidentally’ knocked out so the wrestlers can use ‘illegal’ moves…despite the fact there will be no discernable rules whatsoever.”

“So, homoerotic, incredibly fake fighting that a two year old would laugh at as fake?”

“Yup.”

“Here’s a check for a bazillion dollars.”

Sigh...

You know, I actually try to keep this blog a little upbeat. You know, the occasional funny post, a weird thought that comes to me…but it seems the world is just doing everything it can to piss me off.

This latest little nugget is especially annoying, because it comes from the city I was born in, namely Liverpool in England.

Ok, are you ready for the earth-shattering news?

A ten year old schoolboy called a fellow student a “Gay boy” in an email!

Ok, I’ll give you a couple of minutes to let that sink in. I know it’s an astounding announcement, and you’ll need a few moments to recover. I apologize for shattering the illusion of safety you may have built up around yourself and exposed you to the cold, hard real world where abominations like this can happen. Go get yourself some warm milk and a blankie and you’ll feel better. There there.

Seriously though, you’re probably thinking the same thing I did when I saw that headline. Namely “Who cares? What’s so unusual about school kids swapping insults?”

In any sane world, the teacher takes kid to one side, tells him not to do it again, and maybe gives them lines or makes them stay in during break-time. In fact, in a really sane world, the kid just writes back “No, you’re gay!” and we never hear about it.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a sane world.

What actually happened was this kid got a visit from two police officers.

Since when is two ten year olds swapping insults a matter for the police? What possible reason could there be to get the police involved? Sure, if the kid beat the other to within an inch of his life, or threatened to bring a gun or a knife to school…then I could at least understand getting the police involved.

Back when I was at school, if a parent called the police because some ten year old called their ten year old a ‘gay boy’, they would have been laughed off the phone line. Chances are they’d have found themselves on the receiving end of some charges for wasting police time.

Unfortunately, times have changed, and an insulting email gets a pre-teen a visit from the police who say “This is a very serious offense”.

This is honestly making me despair for the whole human race. I mean, seriously, what the fuck is going on when a schoolyard spat ends in the police being called.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. School isn’t just about receiving a normal education. It’s about receiving a social education as well. School is where kids learn to deal with problems, including bullies and assholes. What lesson are we teaching kids if we get the police involved over something so mind-numbingly minor?

Seriously, in ten years, this kid is going to get job, make a mistake and his boss will chew him out…and he’ll burst into tears, run home and call the police because his boss was mean.

“Hello (sob) police? My boss said I was (sob) stupid! I want him arrested for being a big meanie! Waaaaaaaaah!”

...and the saddest thing is, the police probably will get involved. It won’t be long before ‘Not Being Nice’, ‘Being A Big Meanie’ and the ‘Playing Nice Act of 2010” make it onto the law books.

How about leaving the police out of things, you know, try something radical and ‘out there’…like waiting until an actual crime has taken place before calling them?

Absolutely Disgusting

You know, rants are a common feature here at “Life, What The Hell Is Going On?”, but occasionally something comes along that makes my feeling to all the other things I’ve bitched about seem warm and fuzzy.

This, is without doubt, the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.

Just to sum up the article, schools are dropping the Holocaust from history class…because it may offend Muslim students whose beliefs include “Holocaust denial”.

In other words, Muslims don’t believe the Holocaust ever happened, so it’s no longer taught in history class.

Is anyone else outraged by this?

Guess what? The holocaust happened. If you don’t believe that, do a quick google search. If the holocaust never happened, explain those pictures of mass graves. Explain the first hand accounts of allied soldiers who helped liberate the death camps. Explain the first hand accounts from Holocaust survivors who lost most (if not all) of their families.

But god forbid we teach anything that might contradict someone’s religious or personal sensibilities.

Of course, forget about the Jewish people. They only lost the majority of their population thanks to the Nazi ‘Final Solution’. They don’t deserve any thought at all. But we just can’t offend any Muslims. Forget the fact that the thing ‘offending them’ is established, documented fact.

‘Political Correctness’ to this degree has absolutely no place in the schoolroom. Especially in history class. History can be uncomfortable. However, the whole point in learning history is so we can learn from past mistakes.

What’s next? Remove any reference to slavery, because it might make kids whose ancestors were slave-owners uncomfortable? Remove Pearl Harbor from history in case there are any Japanese students in the class? Cut out both world wars all together because they’re too violent and might offend people of German decent?

Give me a fucking break.

You give kids all the information and leave them to make up their own minds. If it makes some people uncomfortable, maybe it’s meant to.

The other big thing is that I seriously doubt that any of this is because a Muslim family complained about what their kids where being taught. Nope, this is the work of yet more rich white-folks who love to stick their unwanted oar in…and it’s things like this that lead you yet more racial tension.